This week was a little emotional for me, so please bear with me as I talk openly about my family. I am going to use this platform to vent in this blog but here is my disclaimer: I love my parents with all my heart and I know deep down they come from a place of love as well.
Ok with that said I have been hurt by them a lot lately. As soon as I found out that I was pregnant I had a sit down conversation with my mom to explain to her that I was going to need her more than ever. I made sure to be very clear with my needs. For example, she is not very good about keeping her cell phone with her all the time, so I told her to please be better about it because if something happened I wanted to be able to contact her asap instead of having to track her down like I normally do. I thought we had arrived on the same page and that she understood where I was coming from. I guess I was wrong.
Lately it seems that I have to keep reminding her and we have had some big arguments because I feel like she just does not realize how much I need her. And what makes it even harder is when I am hurt by her or my father I want them even more. Recently I had asked them to come visit because it had been a while since they came to our house. I wanted them to see all the new things we have for the baby and just to have them near me. Well my mom is not getting any younger and she does tend to get sick a lot more these days so she got pretty sick a couple of weeks ago and did not want to give it to me. So we decided it was best she stay home. Well that same weekend (her birthday weekend) she told me some family friends were coming in town for a convention and they were going to go! I could not believe it but I let it go since it was her birthday weekend and wanted her to enjoy herself. No matter that she was contagious and her doctor told her to stay home! Then this past weekend came (Labor Day Weekend) and my husband had to work so I knew I was going to have to be on my own. I thought this weekend would have been great for my parents to visit but knew my mom was still not 100%. Then she calls me Saturday evening and when I get in touch with them later in the evening I find out from my dad that they are going to San Angelo to visit the same family friends who just visited them! I was so hurt. It is still hard to talk about this because it feels like this huge open wound. I could not believe they would go visit someone else when I have been asking them to come visit us! Needless to say this caused a big argument between us. My mom tried to reason with me saying that I told them not come but when I found out she was going to go to a baby shower and be around another pregnant woman, where is the reason in that? If she was contagious why would she go to a baby shower? It is hard to put into words how much I need my mom right now. I am experiencing so many emotions at the moment and the one person who has always been so good at consoling me is not around as much as I would like her to be for that comfort. I always remember growing up all the times I was sick or sad and just how good she was to make me feel better. Whether it was bringing me breakfast in bed, or just hugging me she was always there. I am having such a hard time with this. i can't even write this without crying, because I yearn for my mom who has always been my rock for comfort. I don't understand what happened this weekend. I don't understand how much more clear I could have been with her. I know we will overcome this but right at this moment my heart hurts.
I know I should turn to God for the comfort I am seeking and I am trying. It is something I am trying to change in me and I pray that God brings me the peace and comfort I seek.
How Far Along? - 27 weeks
Size of our BP - she could be as long as 14 inches and weight should be around 2 lbs!
Maternity clothes - have to wear it
Gender - baby girl
Sleep - better now that we turn the air down a little more in the evenings :)
Food cravings - chicken noodle broth, banana walnut bread, & pizza
What I miss - fitting in my old clothes. walking into my closet is hard sometimes.
Symptoms - nothing new from last week.
Belly Button - still an innie but not sure for how much longer :/
Best Moment This Week - meeting baby Gabrielle. My friend just had her on 08.08 and it was nice to be around a newborn again. It made me think of what is to come for us and to hold the precious little one just melted my heart. I cannot wait to meet our tiny human and see what she looks like!
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