Week 23

This past week has been a very trying week for me personally.  I knew and had read that during pregnancy one will feel overly emotional, but I was an emotional mess some days.  There was one day in particular where it felt like I should have just stayed in bed all day.  As my day was ending, all the obstacles hit me and it poured out of me like a flood.  The tears just kept flowing and it felt like there was no end in sight.  I just felt so out of control of my emotions and cried for a good 30 minutes.  My poor husband was at work that day and came home to an emotional mess.  The worst part of it all is that I was out of town and all I wanted was to come home.  However, as the saying goes, when you are down all you can do is look up, and the next day brought some relief and a shoulder to lean on.  Sometimes you just have to survive that one tumultuous day and remember at the end of it all that everything will work itself out.

On another serious note, there is something I have held back about my pregnancy.  We were not ready to share this news because we wanted to get all the information we could and take all the necessary steps we needed to in order to be the best parents we can be.  It is a tough subject to talk about but I want to tell our story for all those who have or might go through this.  During our 18 week anatomy and gender scan, the technician found a small object on our bp's heart.  It was a small white dot on her heart which possibly indicates a marker for down syndrome. Our OB was fast to say that this was the only marker they found and that everything else looked great.  She emphazised that she truly felt that with all the other tests, and looking at the anatomy as a whole, our baby looked perfectly healthy.  She really sat down with us and took time to answer our questions but in the end I was still very concerned.  My concern stemmed from something deeper than just worry, it came from the fact that I do not know anything about my biological family.  In all honesty this has been one of my biggest fears because it is scary not knowing all the information of my background and not being able to have something to rely on.  I felt more weight on myself than ever before.  I struggled for a couple of days with all the new information wondering how to handle all the feelings I felt.  Of course we discussed this with our immediate families.  It wasn't until I spoke to my mother about it all, did the weight fully hit me and I let out a lot of fears and tears with her.  Nothing feels as good as seeking comfort from your mother.  After a week of discussing our options, we decided to get a second opinion with another facility for another sonogram.  This sonogram would focus on our little bp's heart.  On the day of the appointment we were both nervous and eager to hear more information.  Unfortunately for us, our little bp decided not to be so cooperative.  She decided she wanted her feet to touch her head and not move from that position.  This made it a bit more difficult for the technician to see the baby's heart from all angles. In the end, the doctor confirmed that there is a calcium deposit on her heart, but that everything else looked good.  She said they saw no problems with her heart but that, as mentioned before, the calcium deposit was a marker for down syndrome.  She also reaffirmed what our OB had said that since this is the only marker found that our chances were still pretty slim.  1 out of 7500 to be more exact.  Still, I felt some unease since they did not get to see her heart from all the angles they had originally wanted.  I read more information online and decided to find out more about a new blood test they have that is less invasive than an amniocentesis (called Maternity 21 Test, recommend by a friend).  I decided I wanted all the information we could get on our baby girl so we could best prepare for her future in this world.  I knew no matter what, we love this tiny human, but we want to do the best we can for her.  Once I discussed my feelings with my husband we got on the same page and decided to go ahead with the blood test.  It was painless, but the wait is what is difficult.  We waited a total of 11 days before we got the news today.  The test came back negative!!  It's 99.1% accuracy, which we are at peace with.  We truly love this little girl and we want to give her all we can.  The one sad thing during this process was being asked that if her test came back positive, would we want to terminate the pregnancy.  I was shocked at first but could understand that it is their job to ask these tough questions.  It never crossed our mind, we just wanted to be as prepared and educated as we could be before she came. I can't imagine being a doctor or nurse who has to ask these tough questions and the parents who have to make these tough decisions. I am thankful every day for my husband, and that we both know no matter what, this tiny human is ours and we are going to love her.  His support and love has been soothing to all my emotions.

How Far Along? - 23 weeks  

Size of our BP - a mango  

Maternity clothes - got some cute shirts on sale at the Destination Maternity store in San Antonio, I wish Austin had this store in town!!  

Gender - baby girl 

Sleep - as long as I have my wedge and body pillow I sleep very comfortably! 

Food cravings - this week it has been pop tarts!  Not sure why but they make me happy :-)   

What I miss - not crying at every little things, man these emotions are crazy sometimes!

Symptoms - crying, a lot of crying has been done this week!

Belly Button - still an innie!  

Best Moment This Week - We received our crib this week, a whole month early!  And we found a good deal on the stroller we wanted so we got that this past week too!!  Another great moment was going to a friend's shower in San Antonio this weekend!  It was nice to see them so happy and of course the best thing about a party is the cake and this cake was particularly yummy!!